Posted by: malcolmjamesjwells | 28/01/2015

The throw-away society goes viral

It’s dark and dusty in this cupboard; I can’t believe she has just dumped me in here. What’s that noise? “Hello, is anyone there?”

“Is that you iPod?”

It’s CD player, I’d recognize that tinny voice anywhere. “So this is where you got to. I thought she had sold you.”

“No, just discarded me when you came along” he replies bitterly.

“Is that the iPod thing you were talking about?” queries another voice, “He looks too small to contain a thousand songs.”

“Who’s the grumpy old git?’ I ask testily.

“That’s record player, he’s been here since cassette player usurped him.”

“That’s me” screechs another voice, “I was replaced by old CD there.”

Suddenly all is becoming clear, there is a definite pattern here. I have heard the word ‘obsolete’ uttered many times, but I never thought it would happen to me. She showed me off to her friends many times and said I was ‘state of the art’. Now I think about it though that hasn’t happened for a long time.

“Welcome to the scrap heap iPod, you’re in good company here’ chirps CD. “You’ve been introduced to record player and cassette player up here; on the bottom shelf are tape recorder, video player, Polaroid camera, landline phone and transistor radio.”

When they greet me they sound so old and sad it’s depressing. Is this to be my fate, stuck in this dark place forever gathering dust with a load of obsolete rubbish?

“So who’s replaced you?” asks CD, sounding a bit too smug for my liking.

“She downloaded all of my songs to a phone” I reply.

There’s a cackling laugh. “Phones don’t carry songs” scoffs Landline.

“They do now” I say, “This thing is called a Smartphone. It plays songs, takes photos, plays TV and films; and it also has these things called apps that do a lot more stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if it also makes coffee.”

The room is silent for a few minutes, and then CD sighs. “We’d better scrunch up a bit lads; looks like we’re going to be making room for a few more unwanted appliances soon.”

I have a quiet chuckle to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s already a new gadget on the market that will oust old Smartarse phone as soon as she can afford to buy one. I’ll make for him next to me.

 

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